Just For Me

0 Flares Filament.io 0 Flares ×

Usually as I walk around in my corner of the world, I carry with me a love for children…a great respect for them.  Not just for my kids, but for the youth in general.  They carry with them so much faith, listening and a loyalty to what they feel is true.  They are our teachers and the light of our lives, even as they tire us each day. Most of the time, I am patient & give them the attention they deserve…my mind is open to the many subtle gifts they bring.

Being human, though, I do sometimes get in my own way.  I think I know…I listen less.  This is when these sweet children in my life get to surprise me…remind me…snap me back into awareness.  I had just such a surprise recently, and it was a beautiful reminder of how much our youth has figured out.

I sat with a young friend recently and I began to be filled with judgmental thinking.  The thinking did not even feel like my own…I  recognized it as the kind of thinking that I had always rejected.  Societies beliefs that our youth are somehow guilty, lazy, stupid, annoying.  But now, because I was in the thinking, it was mine & I had lost my way.  To say the lease, I was not listening to this friend because I was already convinced that I had a lot to teach on this day.

I was feeling insecure, because it seemed that my efforts to teach previously about Thought,  Consciousness,  Mind…it had all been in vain.  As always, my senses began to find proof of the story I had just written via my thoughts.  My ears heard that my young friend had not shared this new understanding with anyone, not a sole.  In my low-level thinking this seemed to only confirm the fact that he had not been impacted.  The information I had given him had been taken in at an intellectual level & I had mistaken this for a deeper understanding.  Back to square one!

As I began to take over the conversation, I was feeling quite detached and I was saying something that doesn’t even matter.  I should’ve noticed how bad it felt and reminded myself to adjust my thinking, but as it turns out, my Mind had my back before my Thinking knew what hit it!  In an instant I just knew I should make eye contact.  Once I did I realized that I hadn’t even looked at this dear friend of mine for the last ten minutes.

With a shy smile and all the trust in the world…even when I didn’t deserve it…he quietly said, “Right now, it’s just for me.”  Like that…poof, he was the teacher & I the pupil…full of admiration and gratitude.

I instantly heard my mentor’s voice in my head…the only place his voice lives now that he’s passed away.  He would tell me that the “health of the helper” could not be overemphasized.  “You can’t give what you don’t have”, he’d say with a chuckle.  This was always such a relief, because these ideas about my thinking felt slippery at first and I wanted the freedom to explore without eyes on me.  I was without the ability yet to render an explaination of what I was understanding, but it was an incredibly powerful time for me.

And here I was now sitting with someone barely in the double didgits and he was teaching me these lessons again in the most natural way.  I wanted to hug him and cackle out loud with delight, but I didn’t because this moment was “just for me”.  I needed it, and now that my faith was restored in all of the resiliency, power and wisdom we each posess, my focus was back on my friend where it had always belonged.

Leave a Reply